Did you ever “pinky promise” when you were a kid? Do you remember what that is?  That’s when two friends link pinkie fingers, and promise.  In my school it was the girls who did the “pinky promise,” while most of us boys did some kind of pretend “blood oath.”  The specifics don’t matter now, but that promise was a serious thing.  

My point is that kids “get it.”  

 A promise is a promise; my 6 year old reminds me. Children know that a promise is something special, and they remember it.  (They remember it especially well when you make the promise to them.)

What then is a promise? Does it have value in the modern world?  What if you can’t trust the person making the promise?  What if that person is you?

 Let’s take that one at a time. A promise is a personal commitment to take, or to refrain from taking a specific action. It has value only if you have reason to believe the person making the promise.  Do you have reason to believe in yourself?  

 There it is bald and ugly.

 Do you break your promises? Most especially, do you break the promises you make to yourself? Did you make a promise to yourself to be frugal, to workout, to drink less, to quit smoking, or not to buy and eat junk on the way home?  How did you do?

My martial art teacher says that will power grows arithmetically, and falls apart geometrically.  What does that mean?  It means that it grows slowly, and if you screw up it  falls apart quickly.

 The tough part is that we often trap ourselves. 

 We set up situations where we can’t NOT break our self promises.  We promise to workout 7 days a week, at this or that huge intensity.  Guess what happens?  The body falls apart and can’t sustain the work, or handle the discomfort.  Or maybe we promise a child to take them to a movie on Satuday, when we know darn good and well that our boss controls our schedule on that day. We make it a promise, rather than a conditional because it is easier in the moment.

 I have done this in the past trying to be a “nice guy.”

When it comes to a promise, too often we try too hard to be nice and not hard enough to be sure and certain. It seems easier (read that  as nicer!) to make it a  promise.  A promise is stronger than a conditional.  We are saying, “yes I can and will do that.”  We are not saying “I’ll do it if I can, or I’ll do it if I don’t have to work.”  A promise makes the other person happier, and we are off the hook for the moment.  But what if it doesn’t work out, what if we have been hasty and we were wrong? What if we can’t make it happen?

Something that stinks usually hits the fan doesn’t it? And, sometimes that’s one fast spinning fan.

Get in the habit of promising only those things you can deliver. As Tony Robbins says, write the rules so that you can win. 

I have a commitment to workout 7 days a week for at least an hour.  That’s a big big commitment, and I have failed at it dozens of times over the last two decades. BUT, now I can do it. My record so far is something over 500 days.  Why does it work now?   It works because I have refined the concept of  “daily workout.” I know there will be emergencies. I know the kids will get sick.  I know a critical project will appear at the worst time.  So, I allow myself to log-up hours ahead, and to use meditation as a part of it . Guess what?  Now its do-able, and I feel much better about my ability to meet my self-made promises.  

Learn to “pinky promise” and be serious about it. Start today.  Design a small, but useful self-promise or commitment.  Make it something that you KNOW you can do.  Write it down and make it happen. Live the rest of your life normally.  Later when that promise has become a habit, pick another.  Build the habits that build your personal power.

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Yup, commercial message time.

Over the last decade I have found Tony Robbins work incredibly valuable. Yes, his late night infomercials come off a bit “snake-oil-ish”  But, having bought his books and courses, and having used and perused every one, I have to say that he is amazing and worth well over anything he charges.  Below are Amazaon links to some of his products.  If you like my work, click through to Amazon from here .  Your price will be the same as buying elsewhere and I will get a tiny commission.  Thanks!!
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